Dorothy, but everyone called her Dot.

Today is the anniversary of my Mom's death. It's been 12 years. She believed that when a person was born, the date of their death was set as well. And when her time came, she was accepting and went quietly. I was just discussing with someone this morning how I felt that in alot of ways people died just as they lived. My Dad was very lively, very talkative, never one to back down from his point of view. And he fought death kind of hard. He struggled alot at the end and was angry, didn't want to acknowledge his condition. We still stayed with him though and I think he sensed my husband being there to hold his hand when he finally let go.
Mom felt she had cancer before she was even diagnosed. She said she'd try treatment but really just to help us I think. Give us some time to adjust maybe. She was okay with her time having come. Being only 69 when she died, some would say that's way too soon to go. But she felt that her life was complete and wasn't regretful about anything that I know of.

The top picture is her and I a long, long, time ago. Because she lost her first child, a son, only hours after his birth I think she must have decided to dedicate her life to raising a child if ever she could get pregnant again. I was born the following year, my sister a few after that. She gave up her career in nursing to be home with us. A good while before she retired though she worked for a local hospital and happened to be assigned to the psychiatric floor when Howard Unruh went on a shooting rampage in New Jersey. He was wounded before his capture and taken to the hospital where she had to tend to him briefly. My Mom was a no-nonsense type of person and wouldn't have been easily unnerved by a criminal. I imagine she would have gone into his room and given him whatever care he needed in a straightforward way without personal opinion getting in the way.

The photo below is her cadet portrait. I love looking at old pictures of my family. She was certainly lovely.

I know there were a couple people who found my Mom hard to understand. She was very quiet most of the time but would zing you with a little bit of sarcasm now and then. She kept very few friends. Not that she wasn't a friendly person, she was. She would speak to people at church or the grocery store or a neighbor or two, but she just wasn't one to get involved in any clicks and never felt the need to do people pleasing and if she didn't have anything to say, she simply didn't say anything.

There are two very specific things I remember about my Mom. First, as I already mentioned, that she retired early to be a stay-at-home Mom. I know many women simply don't have that option, but I also know many who would never dream of doing it even if they could. I just love remembering that she was always there, always home, and it was a choice she made. The other strong memory for me is that while she was a practicing Catholic she didn't raise us that way. We went to public school and we weren't made to go to church. She wanted for us to decide our own path with regard to religion. She had her own beliefs but was wise enough to know that they were her beliefs and never forced anything upon anyone. She never denied us the opportunity to attend services. If we asked, she would have taken us. If a friend was going to a service in their faith, she allowed us to go with them. She was raised Catholic, attended Catholic school, was given the full Mass after her death, and was buried in a Catholic cemetary but she never spoke much of her religion, never tried to tell anyone it was the only way, never judged. That is a beautiful thing. You might disagree. If you follow a particular way then you may feel it's your obligation as a parent to see your children also learn that way or they will never have any spiritual base. She saw the value in standing behind someone and letting them find their own way ahead, just being there as a backup instead of being the one to be out in the lead dragging everyone kicking and screaming down a particular path. Thank you, Mom for allowing us to develop our own beliefs in our own time. As an adult, my sister did become confirmed and take communion with the Catholic church. Many years later she decided that the Episcopal teachings were more to her liking and as far as I know, she is still very involved with her church, even teaching Sunday school. Personally, I don't find solace in reading the Bible or attending church services. I am drawn more to eastern religions and philosophies. To each his own. And I'm glad to be able to investigate all the many mysteries of the world without guilt or fear.

The third picture is a drawing of her in pastel chalks. My husband had it done the year she died. He liked my Mom alot. They got on very well. He understood her dry humor. The bright spot on the picture is only a reflection of the light on the ceiling but it reminded me of a halo so I left it alone.

Thanks for stopping by and reading about my Mom. She was a good woman. There were many times in high school I gave her way too much grief, as many kids do. She just waited it out and our relationship got back on track. We were close when she passed and I'm very thankful for that. I miss her. But I have alot of nice memories and old photos and am happy for the times we did spend together.