Monday's Mystery

These actually look a LOT bigger in the picture than they really are. While folding laundry earlier this morning.... I had planned to blog ALL day, but something came over me and I slipped back into that housewife routine again.... I found a very curious item in the basket. Now I know it isn't mine, even tho it is purple and I LOVE all things purple. How do I know this isn't mine??? I know because it took me 3 minutes to untwist the tiny bungie cords on each side just so I could try to figure out what I was even dealing with. My GAWD... it has tiger stripes on it, could it be a wittle animal climbed into the machine and was suffocated by a dryer sheet??

Okay, no....it was never once a live critter. Whew! But WTF is it?? Ohhhhh, wait... I have seen something like this before when the mailman put the neighbor's Victoria Secret catalog in our box accidentally. Hubby tried to look thru it first but I was lightening quick with a Moe Howard eye-poke! Silly man....

Alrighty then, panties. I know what I'm working with now anyway. Well, now, wait, ...... what is really happening here?? How did these tiny little underwear wanna be's end up in the BOYS wash?? Now I know my son is 'almost' old enough to know what they are..... I'm soooo thankful he's just into basketball and guitar right now..... but he wouldn't give them a second look. Note to self: buy him a really, really intricate video game that will take 3 or 4 years to beat and deliver all meals to him in his room so he just stays put for a good long time. Atleast until I get some sort of legal strategy going to outlaw these things.

Okay, so if they didn't come from the young boys room, did they fall out of the pocket of the older boys pants? Older boy meaning HUSBAND. What's going on here honey???? Who is she???? Is she prettier than me???? Is she better in bed than me????? I know for sure she's got a smaller ass than me and obviously NO hips and a crotch drawn on with a pencil for how the hell would that strap sit on anything but a pencil line?

I dunno, I thought all those times he fell at my feet in worship, professing his immense love for moi, that he was being totally honest. AND NOW THIS. Who is this minx?? I shall deal with her swiftly. Like a NINJA in the night I will destabilize this vixen enemy with a sweet justice.

'Mom'.... 'Mom'..... 'are you okay'?? WHAT... where am I? 'Mom.... why are you tying up my old barbie doll with my underwear and beating her senseless?' What....? darling daughter, where did you come from? YOUR underwear??? Oh these are YOURS???? 'Yeah, Mom... can I have my underwear back now... and my barbie doll.... are you really okay??' Oh why yes, yes of course I'm just fine... I was practicing for a self-defense class. 'Okay, mother.... whatever.'

Sorry honey, I never did mean to doubt you.

I know he is perfectly happy with his bloomer wearin' old lady. ;) Or is he?? I think there is a plot afoot. I'm now remembering the other night when I was horrified at all the gray hair sprouting from the top of my head. He was trying to be reassuring by saying that it was perfectly fine to get gray hair. He said I could be his silver fox. Something about women looking very attractive with that type of hair. Bullshit. I've got a box of RED ... or atleast some delightful shade of auburn... hair coloring in the bathroom and dammit, I'm going to go use it. Today. There will be no more house-cleaning, no errands, no blogging.... wait, maybe a little blogging..., no dinner, no nothing until I wash out the gray. If he thinks that he's going to get me to AGE faster so that I'll keel over quicker so that he can go get himself a little itsy bitsy teeny weenie panty wearin' hussy in high heels..... well he's sadly mistaken.

Now I'm off to deal with other things.....

Question of the day: Can I still ground my 23 yr. old for wearing smut pants??? LOL